Hi Supriya,
This is Kush.
I loved the way you framed the story. Firstly, let me applaud your courage because I so know the courage it takes to write something like this -- and that courage follows but talent and self-belief -- which are areas where you certainly do not lack. :)
Said that, let me now comment on the story.
I choose to stear clear of the politico-religious beliefs (about which I know little -- thanks to Mr. Brown) and will restrict myself to just the story!
The story is out-and-out mirchi-masala, and a treat for the reader. The lang. employed perfectly fits the occassion.
There are mistakes but they can be cleared out in one-round of editing. But then there are those that -- in my view -- need reviewing, re-writing that is.
You write, 'It was just so like Maria, letting the little irritants stay put in place. A comfort zone made things too easy. Way too easy. Discomfiture, even the slightest notion of it, kept her mind alive and kicking – all the time. She wouldn’t have anything less than that anyway.'
The idea is brilliant but it could have been slightly better written, I think. Perhaps you culd have written, 'A sense of discomfiture kept her mind...'
And once having written of these 'irritants', IMO, you over-do it when mentioning them again in he subsequent para.
Then you write, 'It was said that one of the toughest things in the world...' IMO, this could better be written as, 'It was said that one of the toughest things in the world of journalism..'
But these trivialities aside, the story all in all is very well written. Since -- in this genre of pulp fiction -- this is perhaps the first one by you - you have done a commendable job indeed. You do not go overboard; you do not over-do it, you keep control on your pen, there are so many things you do not do, that an amateurish writer, when attempting something new, does do, and they give him/she away... make him read ridiculous. On the other hand, you read just fine -- like you should.
I have read the 2nd part too. Will write the comment to that too in few minutes. For now, something beckons.
Kush
Dear ixedoc,
You know I already knew much of the stats you mentioned since I googled
you once sometime back. It is sure great to know you and share space
with you!
Blessed are those students who study under you in Mangalore!
Regards.
India's O-limp-ic Dreams
goddamit! that was hilarius! mahesh asked me to read.... Kush.
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